For The Love
I’m in a transitional point in my life. You can call it a quarter-life crisis. This is normal right? En route to 25, feeling the pressures of society’s milestone checklist, versus your very own. I did the school thing. I got a job. I’m making rent. I’m paying bills. I’m supporting myself. There are only a couple more boxes to check off, but the closer I get, the emptier I feel. In the pursuit of all things expected of me, I’ve put off what I’ve always expected of myself: to wholeheartedly create what moves me. The Greeks have a word for it: Meraki. It’s when you leave a piece of yourself in your work. Your soul, creativity, and love. That’s all I really want. I’ve put it on the backburner for too long and shits burnt. I’ve seemed to have lost touch with why I started, and why I wanted to keep going.
I have this urge to carelessly express and create through any outlet I can find and what’s sad is I haven’t been able to adhere to it. I used to pick up a pen and write short stories and poetry every chance I got. I used to dance for hours on end, running on nothing but pure joy and the eagerness to improve. I picked up a camera because I loved making my own stories, evoking emotions and moving people’s spirits. I miss when time wasn’t a factor and money didn’t matter. I did it all for the love of making something out of nothing.
I haven’t been able to fully commit to all things I love so dearly and that’s my fault. Self-plagued with inconsistencies and insecurities. Part excuses, part priorities, part adulting; a bunch of variables as to why I’m not anything I hoped to be. Oh, life. Maybe that’s a bit too harsh, maybe I’m being overdramatic, but I’m calling it how I see it. Not a failure, just disappointingly and extremely behind. I’m playing catch-up now.
What I’m really trying to say is I want to get back to my roots and do everything I promised myself I would do. If all it does is lead me back to being a robot at an unfulfilling job, as “millennial” as that sounds, well at least I tried. I’ll be at peace with the outcome as opposed to living with my wonders and regrets. I just want to see how far love can take me.
So to everyone out there who feels the same, let’s remind ourselves why we started. Remind ourselves that the measurement of success isn’t the same for everyone. The absence of acceptance and validation of your choices to pursue your passions shouldn’t hold you back but push you forward to prove yourself worthy of what you long to achieve. Everything you do, do with love, for the love.